ThreeStrikesandOut

How is this sports related?

Well, I could make the lame argument that it’s sports related because Marilyn spent some time married to former Yankees’ slugger Joe DiMaggio, but I won’t; instead I’ll tell the truth…Nah the hell with that, we’ll go with the DiMaggio link and the fact that I’m one of those Marilyn freaks who doesn’t comprehend that she died like 1000 years ago and might as well be Cleopatra as far as my penis is concerned. But this story is still hilarious. According to the New York Post:

The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-’60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe’s sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said.

The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens, said Morgan, who saw the footage.

How much for the lovely image of Marilyn on her knees? It was sold to a businessman for 1.5 million dollars. Now the obligatory sports tie-in:

According to the documents, “Former baseball star Joseph DiMaggio in the past had offered [the informant] $25,000 for this film, it being the only one in existence, but he refused the offer.

Wow. 1.5 million dollars and seized by the FBI. That’s one hell of a blow job folks. Unfortunately, the businessman who bought the tape is apparently just going to put the tape in a safe, keeping it safe from the greedy hands of the Internet. Can you imagine if that tape hit the Internet? The world might actually stop on it’s axis for a moment. World Peace might be achieved, and all the children of the world could rest easy at night, assured in the belief that there is a God.

Most important though, this shows that my generation did not indeed, invent the art of getting blow jobs, nor did we invent the practice of getting unsuspecting women to give them to us while we videotape it. We just perfected it.

The Superficial via The New York Post