Brewers Sign Braun To Big Contract-Tell Prince To Go Eat Some More Celery
Or radishes, or lettuce, or whatever the hell else it is that vegetarians eat, while the rest of us busy clogging our arteries with good stuff like steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, and opossum.
Moving right along,
The Brewers signed second-year player Braun to the biggest contract in Brewers history, which is sorta like having the biggest salary at Burger King, but anyways:
Braun’s contract, which runs through 2015, replaces the $455,000, one-year renewal the Brewers gave him in spring training. It includes a $2.3 million bonus this season and could increase to $51 million through escalators.
Braun was last year’s Rookie of the Year, and is on his way to a possible All-Star selection this year, with 10 homers and 30 RBI this season.
So this leads to the obvious segue. Everyone knows that Prince Fielder is not happy with his contract. He’s been with the Brewers since 2005 and was not happy when the Brewers renewed his contract; for $670,000.
There is no truth to the rumor that Brewers management is holding a huge contract for Fielder; one that he will only receive if he goes back to eating meat and crushing baseballs. There is also no truth to the rumors that Fielder’s teammates tried to hold him down and force-feed him a can of Spam while yelling, “Trust Us! It’s not meat!”
No truth whatsoever.
Not too many people are going to sympathize with Prince, but hey, it sucks when some hot-shot young guy comes into your workplace; makes more money than you, has a better office than you, is porking your girlfriend behind your back, and says you’re “the man” every time that he sees you. It sucks donkey balls.
Oops. Sorry. Projecting again. Next post.
