Bruce Springsteen To Play Super Bowl Halftime Show
Bruce “Born in the USA” Springsteen will be your halftime entertainment at the 2009 Super Bowl.
This decision had to be made because the NFL was upset about all the hip, young, pot-smoking fans that youngster Tom Petty brought in this past Super Bowl. Way to nip that junk in the bud NFL! Good lord, could we just forget about that nipple slip and get somebody relevant today, or at least yesterday?
The last few Super Bowl halftime shows reads like a musical nursing home. But if I could go back in time, I think that the acts could have been spiced up a little.
2005: Paul McCartney
Preferable to McCartney: Digging up the corpse of John Lennon and playing “Let it Be” in the background while sacrificing Yoko Ono to the rock gods. With a very dull knife.
2006: The Rolling Stones
Preferable to the Stones: Digging up the corpse of Keith Richards…Wait, never mind. There is no truth to the rumor that Keith Richards taught Matt Jones everything that he knows.
2007: Prince
Preferable to Prince: Morris Day and the Time come out and challenge Prince to a battle of the bands, which Prince wins, by going Guitar Hero on Day and his henchmen, while also incinerating in blue flames, all those fill-ins that rush the stage like they give a flying flip about the artist playing. Half of them were just stains on a teenage boy’s sheets when Prince came out with Purple Rain.
2008: Tom Petty
Preferable to Petty: Tom Petty and the Pussycat Dolls.
2009: Bruce Springsteen
Preferable to Bruce: Bryan Adams. Oh wait, sorry to spoil next year’s show, NFL. 