USC Players Having Problems “Down There”
Down where? You know where. From the LA Times:
They are victims of an ailment that has swept through the team during training camp, something that coaches refer to as “a skin irritation.”
The players call it “jock itch.”While dislocated kneecaps and high ankle sprains draw more attention, Coach Pete Carroll said he has never seen anything like the minor outbreak that caused key players to miss practice Wednesday.As much as 25% of the team has been affected by the apparent run of tinea cruris, kicker David Buehler estimated. The condition seems to have spread by way of new compression shorts, or tights, worn under their football pants.
Tailback Joe McKnight and receiver Travon Patterson were sufficiently afflicted to spend Wednesday’s practice on the sideline.
“It burns,” Patterson said.
You think this is bad Mr. Patterson? Wait until you guys play on the road. The signs and chants are going to be priceless. Some suggestions? Sure, don’t mind if I do:
- USC=University of Stinky Crotch
- Trojans Don’t Prevent Jock Itch
- I Got This From A USC Cheerleader
- You’ve Got Cooties (clap, clap) You’ve Got Cooties (repeat for tons of fun)
- Wash Your Jock! Wash Your Jock!
- Got Itch?
- Pete Carroll Stole My Baby Powder!
- ABC=America’s Burning Crotch
The possibilities are endless. I do have a question about this whole little article. How in the world do you get that many guys to admit that their crotch has gone radioactive? You know there are chicks at USC who are circling the names in this article going, “Not doing him now, not doing him now, not doing him ever”.
I’m going to end this post now, because there’s really nothing funny about jock itch.
Just ask these guys:
August 15th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Although I don’t know why they’d tell the media, it’s not that bad. It’s more like athlete’s foot on their junk, or, maybe just as embarrassing, akin to diaper rash. Too much moisture in a dark place, and boom, you’ve got a fungus among us. (That’s right, I said fungus. Tinea is the technical term for ringworm, cruris refers to the infected area, in this case, the groin.) They need to call in John Madden for some “Tough Actin’ Tinactin.”
Either way, eeewwww.
And PS, if girls whined their way out of working, practicing, etc everytime they got a yeast infection…
August 15th, 2008 at 9:07 am
I would have had to have made something up if I was them. And the first media guy that asked me if I had jock itch would have been beaten severely across the face.