Five Questions For Michael Strahan
Five questions that I would totally not have the balls to ask Michael Strahan, and unlikely possible (fictional) answers that he might give:
Warning to those of you without a sense of humor, this post is satirical in nature, and not a real interview with Mr. Strahan, now stop reading and go guzzle some drano.
TSAO: Well, Michael, I appreciate you taking the time to do this interview, you’ve been one of my favorites for a long, long time, and I suppose you know what my first questions going to be?
Fake Strahan: Yeah, you probably want to know why I didn’t want to play anymore.
TSAO: Nah, that’s old news.
Fake Strahan: Then what do you want to ask?
TSAO: Who’s your favorite Care Bear?
Fake Strahan: Wrinkles forhead, That’s your first question?
TSAO: Yep.
Fake Strahan: Breaks into huge grin, I thought no one was ever going to ask me that! God, where do I start? There are just so many. I mean there’s Good Luck Bear, and Bedtime Bear, but my favorite would have to be, reaches into back pocket and pulls a faded photo out of his wallet, this one!
Play-a-lot Bear f’n rules! That’s who I’d like to think that I modeled my whole career after.
TSAO: Very insightful. Okay, Michael, with my next few questions I’m going to give you a name, and I want you to tell me what Care Bear they remind you of the most. First, Eli Manning?
Fake Strahan: Gotta be Champ Bear. He’s such a competitor, he comes from such a great family, and he’s just a natural winner. Great leader. Glad, I could help him win a Super Bowl.
TSAO: Tom Coughlin?
Fake Strahan: Laughs, That’s an easy one, he’s Grumpy Bear.
TSAO: Plaxico Burress?
Fake Strahan: Frowns, I like Plax, but man, he’s just a total Me Bear all the way. It’s always about his contract, or his money, or his sometimes hurt knee. This one time, I tried to get him to let me borrow his PSP and he was all like-NO! Total Me Bear.
TSAO: Osi Umenyiora?
Fake Strahan: Wrinkles his nose, He’s a Messy Bear. This one time he had this girl…
TSAO: We’ll leave that one alone there Michael, I think we all know what Osi likes to do in his free time. I know that’s five, but I’d like to ask you one more if that’s okay?
Fake Strahan: Shoot.
TSAO: Tom Brady?
Fake Strahan: Wish Bear. Cause I wish that I could be giving sweet lovin’ to Gisele, and he wishes that we hadn’t beat him in the Super Bowl last year. But, you know what they say, if wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas.
TSAO: And with that little bit of knowledge, we’ll close this debacle. Thanks Michael. Take care of those dolls.
Fake Strahan: They’re not dolls, they’re bears!
TSAO: Whatever, Retires-a-lot Bear.
