ThreeStrikesandOut

Because you don’t need me to tell you that this isn’t the real Shaq:

Not bad.  It’s the closest that I’m going to get to anyone plowing over Shaq in an automobile, so I can at least watch it and pretend that it’s real.

EBSports

I guess the Milwaukee Bucks figured that since the Brewers were throwing the money around for CC Sabathia, that they needed to spend some money too. Unfortunately, they decided to give Andrew Bogut a five-year extension worth $60 million in guaranteed money.

This deal is so ugly that even Adam Jones wouldn’t throw money at it. From the MJS:

The five-year extension is worth $60 million in guaranteed money, according to sources, with bonuses that could take the deal to $72.5 million. The extension does not affect the $6.9 million he will be paid for the final season of his rookie contract in 2008-’09, and it keeps the Australian with the Bucks through the 2013-’14 season.

And if there was any doubt in your mind that this deal is crazy, let’s let Bogut’s agent reassure you that Bogut is worth every penny:

“The team gets a slight discount over what the market will bear,” Bauman said. “It’s not out of the realm that he could have gotten an Elton Brand deal next year. But Andrew gets security for a bit of a discount.”

For starters, Elton Brand shouldn’t have gotten an Elton Brand deal, and Andrew Bogut is no Elton Brand.

This is why people like me bitch about athletes’ salaries. We don’t really care that guys like Kobe, LeBron, Peyton, Brady, or Jeter get paid; we hate it that mediocre players like Bogut can wake up, roll out of bed, and hit the lottery.

14.3 points a game. Sheesh. Phil Fulmer thinks that Bogut’s contract is a joke.

Baron Davis is going Hollywood.  But he’s not going Showtime; instead he opted for the empty dollars of the Los Angeles Clippers.  Good luck with that acting career B.D., lord knows that you have a better chance of winning an Oscar than you do of winning an NBA title while on the Clippers.  Yeah, I know that if they get Elton Brand back and he stays healthy they might have a shot.  Yeah, and if Rosie O’Donnell donated the contents of her fridge to Africa, it might cure that continent’s hunger problem.  Not happening optimists.

Jermaine O’Neal was traded to the Toronto Raptors for some items that would have a hard time making it onto the McDonalds Dollar Menu. The Raptors got a great scorer (when he’s healthy, which is never) while the Pacers got a 17th round pic and T.J. Ford. Oh yeah, they also got Rasho Nesterovic. And another losing season, don’t forget that, but they would have had that with O’Neal so they might as well not pay him his enormous salary, and at least lose for a reasonable price.

Because it’s all about practicality.

First off, this auction was for a good cause.

Second off, if I paid 35 grand for a stained shirt, I’d want to be known by the catchy handle of “anonymous” too, and according to the word coming out of B-Town, Doc Rivers’ Gatorade soaked shirt was anonymous’s prize for his $35,000 bid. From the AP:

The foundation said Tuesday the high bid of $35,000 came from an anonymous bidder. Gatorade and a second anonymous donor each pledged $10,000 to bring the total to $55,000.

Stop the madness people. Just donate for the hell of it, let people keep their orange stained shirts. Next thing you know there’s going to be some kind of auction for Reggie and Kim’s sheets, and that will be the point when we’ll know that we really need to scrap this whole society and start a new one using Legos, Ray Bradbury novels, and peanut butter.

And by the way, we know it was you Mr. McFarlane, just admit it.