ThreeStrikesandOut

Okay, LaDanian Tomlinson fell off in my estimation when he nursed what appeared to be a minor knee injury during the playoffs last season, while his quarterback was out there trying to avoid linebackers on half of a good leg. That being said, it’s commercials like this one that might bring LT back into my good graces, as LT and Kimbo Slice break out the trailer park workout. Per Awful Announcing:

The only way this commercial could have been better would have been if Gary Coleman had jumped out of the refrigerator while LT was pummeling it, and then Kimbo had sprinkled some salt on him and eaten his soul.  You know, for the vitamins.

Bruce “Born in the USA” Springsteen will be your halftime entertainment at the 2009 Super Bowl.

This decision had to be made because the NFL was upset about all the hip, young, pot-smoking fans that youngster Tom Petty brought in this past Super Bowl.  Way to nip that junk in the bud NFL!  Good lord, could we just forget about that nipple slip and get somebody relevant today, or at least yesterday?

The last few Super Bowl halftime shows reads like a musical nursing home.  But if I could go back in time, I think that the acts could have been spiced up a little.

2005:  Paul McCartney

Preferable to McCartney: Digging up the corpse of John Lennon and playing “Let it Be” in the background while sacrificing Yoko Ono to the rock gods.  With a very dull knife.

2006:  The Rolling Stones

Preferable to the Stones: Digging up the corpse of Keith Richards…Wait, never mind.  There is no truth to the rumor that Keith Richards taught Matt Jones everything that he knows.

2007:  Prince

Preferable to Prince: Morris Day and the Time come out and challenge Prince to a battle of the bands, which Prince wins, by going Guitar Hero on Day and his henchmen, while also incinerating in blue flames, all those fill-ins that rush the stage like they give a flying flip about the artist playing.  Half of them were just stains on a teenage boy’s sheets when Prince came out with Purple Rain.

2008:  Tom Petty

Preferable to Petty: Tom Petty and the Pussycat Dolls.

2009:  Bruce Springsteen

Preferable to Bruce: Bryan Adams.  Oh wait, sorry to spoil next year’s show, NFL. 

First off, do you have any idea how hard it is to find a picture of Kenny Chesney with a shirt on?  Seriously, do a google image search for Kenny Chesney and if you’re male and insecure you’ll avert your eyes quickly.  But anyways.  Chesney proved once again that money can buy you happiness, as he was able to do what is usually reserved for football players and sick kids, and that’s practice with an NFL team, the New Orleans Saints.

How did Chesney get this opportunity?  By helping Saints’ corner Mike McKenzie undress.  You heard that right.  From SI:

Afterward, Payton volunteered a story he heard about Chesney helping Saints cornerback Mike McKenzie undress for a shower last January while the two were in Birmingham, Ala., to rehabilitate from surgery.

Both the singer and football player had been operated on by Dr. James Andrews and were in Andrews’ rehabilitation program — McKenzie for his knee and Chesney for his shoulder.

“You know, Mike McKenzie and Kenny Chesney are from the opposite ends of the earth, and yet here they are that one afternoon and Kenny notices Mike’s wearing the same clothes he’s been in all day from his rehab … and I’d love to see this — but Chesney’s undressing McKenzie,” Payton said.

Okie-dokie.  I’m not sure what was the most disturbing part of that quote.  If it was the mental image of Chesney undressing McKenzie or the fact that I can picture Payton rubbing his…hands together while saying “I’d love to see this” while talking about the undressing.  The beach volleyball scene in Top Gun thinks that whole thing is weird.  Yeah, I just totally bit off of Jim Rome, but damn it, I hear that clip 1000 times a day, it was bound to find its way here sooner or later.

Also, would Chesney just pick a sports team already?  He’s been on the sidelines for Tennessee and Florida at college games, has brought Tim Tebow on stage at a concert, and now he’s practicing with the Saints.  He goes through more teams than Alyssa Milano.

That’s not all of them, but I only have so much space.

SI

Um. I wouldn’t call this much of a run, it was more of a light jog. But, Brett Favre and center Nick Mangold had to run after a botched snap led to a fumble.

“He’s one of the guys,” coach Eric Mangini said. “You put the ball on the ground, you have to run. And that’s the way, when we talked about it, he wanted it and that’s the way I wanted it.”

Well, if Favre has to run every time that he turns the ball over he’s going to be in shape to run the New York City Marathon by the time this season is over. But, I don’t think that this really should have been a punishable offense, I mean, come on, can’t everyone see how much fun he’s having out there? Besides, isn’t being a Jet punishment enough?

Oh, and this may deserve to go in a new category.  The “Anything That Brett Does Is Now News”, category.

ESPN

Finally, we can begin to put this circus away. Everyone within reading distance please pull you seat a little closer to the computer (unless you’re looking at porn in another window, then stay at a reasonable distance while you read this post). Ready? BRETT FAVRE HAS BEEN TRADED TO THE JETS! There wasn’t that easy?

The news comes down just a few minutes ago, as once again ESPN piggy-backed their coverage off of Jay Glazer, who I believe has been sleeping on a cot outside of Lambeau. Glazer had this to say of the trade:

The exact compensation was not immediately known, but it is believed to be a single draft pick that increases in value depending upon how the Jets perform during the 2008 season.

As a result of this, the Jets will likely release a quarterback. Signs have been pointing to Chad Pennington as the likely culprit because the team will need to free up cap room to fit Favre’s contract under the salary cap.

The Jets were much more aggressive than the Bucs in their pursuit of Favre all along. The bigger issue was getting Favre on the same page as the Packers front office as far as the Jets were concerned.

Finally, late Tuesday, Favre talked to Jets head coach Eric Mangini and others in the organization for the first time as they tried to convince Favre he would be a good fit in New York.

God, I’m so glad that this whole thing is somewhat resolved that I hate to rain on the parade, but it’s like this y’all: this trade has disaster written all over it. Remember what happened when Randy Johnson went to the Yankees a couple of years ago? How grumpy he came off as, and how much he hated dealing with the media? Square that and you might have what happens when Favre gets out of Green Bay and Mississippi and starts dealing with a press that is used to big stars and really doesn’t care to rip into them. Actually, I think that they prefer to rip into them.

If Favre doesn’t win, he’s a target for the press, and I don’t think that he can win in New York. Not with the Jets. Who is his running back? Who is his premier wide receiver? He has a young offensive line and we know what great decisions Brett makes under pressure; in those situations he tends to get his uniforms mixed up. The whole trade came out of desperation. Green Bay was desperate to get rid of Brett and Brett is (allegedly) desperate to play, but the most desperate person in this whole thing may be Jets’ coach Eric Mangini. Mangini wanted Favre, because he knows that if he doesn’t win in New York this season, that whole Mangenius nickname will become an old joke in the papers; papers that will be busy discussing the candidates for the newly opened, Jets’ job. He’s a desperate coach who’s going to count on a 38-year-old, temperamental quarterback who’s had one good season in the last three years, and who only consented to a trade to New York because he couldn’t get his way and go to Minnesota. Good luck with that Eric.

Also, there’s just so much that Favre can do with this Jets team. Even if the Jets can be better than they were last season, there’s still a team in their division that’s pretty good. The last time I checked, Satan still had Tom Brady and Randy Moss on his roster, and I don’t see that team sucking gas for a pretty good while. But God help us all when it’s time for the Pats to play the Jets. ESPN is probably already salivating.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that this whole thing is over. It’s just switching locations. Nobody really cares about Green Bay anyways. Except the fans in Green Bay. If that team stinks they will riot like L.A. in the springtime, but no one will notice it because ESPN will be busy giving us hours and hours of previews of Favre vs. Brady. Where Favre goes, the circus is going to go with him until, like in The Greatest Show on Earth, the train comes off the tracks.

Get your popcorn ready.

And be careful of listening to ESPN radio tomorrow morning. Mike Greenberg may actually climax on air. Don’t say that you weren’t warned.

FOX