ThreeStrikesandOut

Jose Canseco continues to make the rounds, in support of his new steaming pile of crap  book, Vindicated, with his appearance on David Letterman. It must be nice to be one of the most famous cheaters in the world.  I may have underestimated this guy, because he very well could be the smartest man on Earth.  Make millions of dollars by cheating, blow it all on parties and hot chicks, then write a book describing how you did it, and laugh about it all the way to the bank (or strip club).  Canseco may be our generation’s Einstein.  Canseco continues to ramble on about the mysterious “Max”, the steroid dealer that he alleges met with Alex Rodriguez.  It’s too bad that baseball is real and not a TV show.  Usually, when a villain comes back for his second appearance he gets whacked, instead the best that we can hope for is that somebody sues Canseco for libel; something that I doubt is going to happen.  Video from the appearance after the jump. (more…)

Gotta love the way that Jose avoids giving any kind of a straight answer here.  In “Juiced” Canseco gave specific examples of giving shots to people like McGwire, but with Rodriguez, he “remembers” a conversation about steroids, but avoids giving any details about it. 

Can’t blame Jose too much for trying to ruin A-Rod.  If I knew A-Rod bagged my wife, I’d be mad too.  Good thing that I don’t like women with muscles bigger than mine.  Or penises.  I definitely don’t go for women with penises.  That completely kills their femininity.  No siree Bob, if she’s got a penis, that’s the end of the conversation right there. 

Baseball.  Football.  Cycling. The UFC.  WWE.  Now steroids have apparently reared their ugly head in another sport.

The Iditarod.

You have got to be kidding me.  But an article in USA Today detailed the many steps that sled racing takes in order to prevent cheating in the Super Bowl of dog sledding:

The 40-pound Alaskan huskies are subject to urine tests that check for steroids, stimulants, opiates, muscle relaxants and other substances — anything that could mask pain, increase strength or improve endurance.

The article continues:

Although no musher has been banned for doping in the 35-year history of the Iditarod, there have been a handful of positive drug tests since 1992, particularly in the early years of the current drug testing program, according to Craig. Those cases were dealt with privately and mushers under suspicion either voluntarily quit or were asked not to return, he says.

Next to appear before Congress?

How about Underdog.

Senator Waxman:  “You have shown increased stamina, strength, and speed not consistent with your breed of dog.  You have shown symptoms consistent with steroid use.  What do you have to say for yourself?”

Dog: “Woof.”

Translation: “Lassie must have misremembered, I have never at anytime taken performance-enhancing drugs.  Anyone have any treats?”

According to ESPN; everybody’s favorite juicer, Barry Bonds’ grand jury testimony will show that he failed more drug tests than just those that have been reported.  According to the article:

The documents will show the indicted slugger had additonal positive steroids tests beyond the previously reported one in November 2000, according to a source familiar with the government’s evidence, ESPN’s T.J. Quinn reported. The U.S. Attorney’s office had previously disclosed that Bonds tested positive for testosterone, but information about other failed tests has not been previously disclosed.

Yawn.  Can’t we all just look to the future?  Does it shock anyone that Bonds may have failed another test?  Would it shock anyone if the media is jumping the gun again, like they did a couple of weeks ago, when they said Barry failed another test? 

This issue isn’t even remotely interesting anymore, and I’m thinking about never writing a steroids-based story again.  It bores me and I’m sure it does you.  There will be like three people who read this, and only one will have done it intentionally.  The other two will be looking for alligator-skin sandals of course.

As if coaching the most steroid-ridden team of all time, getting caught asleep (drunk) at a stop sign, and just generally being a dickhead aren’t enough reason to dislike Tony LaRussa; apparently LaRussa also lives in the kind of fantasy land where broccoli tastes like candy, where everyday is Saturday, and where 18-year old prom queens think that my dick holds the secret to eternal happiness.

According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, LaRussa still believes that Mark McGwire did not do steroids.  And when asked if his reputation as a steroid-enabler bothered him, LaRussa let lose this reply:

Q:Does it bother you that rightly or wrongly, you and (assistant coach) Dave McKay have gained the unflattering label as the so-called godfathers of baseball’s steroid era with your connections to Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire?

La Russa: “That’s one of the crosses you have to bear…”

The article went on to say:

As we continued to talk, we moved on to McGwire and his tainted legacy. La Russa compared McGwire’s work ethic to that of another man caught in the steroids swirl, Clemens. In spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, La Russa maintained that both of them deserve a pass. “There’s a certain amount of credit that should be given to a guy who’s worked hours and hours to get stronger and bigger,” he said.

You know the fact that this guy cut Scott Spiezio for basically having the same problem that he has is bad enough.  If anybody has any doubts that LaRussa is an enabler, one only has to look at the fact that he has five players who were in the Mitchell Report, and that he wanted to bring Barry Bonds’ enormous melon into camp.  LaRussa likes muscular men more than Men’s Health magazine does.

Don’t get confused.  LaRussa’s not attempting to cover for Mark.  LaRussa is trying to cover up his own legacy.  If players are going to be held out of the Hall of Fame because of the belief that they used steroids, coaches like LaRussa should not be allowed in for winning championships with those players.  We already know that one of his World Series teams (the 1989 A’s) were loaded with roidsheads.  Hell, if Canseco hadn’t written a book about his own use, LaRussa would probably cover for him too.

It’s LaRussa and guys like him that are getting off the hook in this whole steroids song-and-dance.  They used these guys on juice to make reputations for themselves, to make money for themselves, and to win championships for themselves.  It’s no surprise that LaRussa isn’t going to rat out McGwire.  It’s the difference between being an okay baseball manager and being an Hall of Fame manager.

Deadspin