ThreeStrikesandOut

Baseball.  Football.  Cycling. The UFC.  WWE.  Now steroids have apparently reared their ugly head in another sport.

The Iditarod.

You have got to be kidding me.  But an article in USA Today detailed the many steps that sled racing takes in order to prevent cheating in the Super Bowl of dog sledding:

The 40-pound Alaskan huskies are subject to urine tests that check for steroids, stimulants, opiates, muscle relaxants and other substances — anything that could mask pain, increase strength or improve endurance.

The article continues:

Although no musher has been banned for doping in the 35-year history of the Iditarod, there have been a handful of positive drug tests since 1992, particularly in the early years of the current drug testing program, according to Craig. Those cases were dealt with privately and mushers under suspicion either voluntarily quit or were asked not to return, he says.

Next to appear before Congress?

How about Underdog.

Senator Waxman:  “You have shown increased stamina, strength, and speed not consistent with your breed of dog.  You have shown symptoms consistent with steroid use.  What do you have to say for yourself?”

Dog: “Woof.”

Translation: “Lassie must have misremembered, I have never at anytime taken performance-enhancing drugs.  Anyone have any treats?”

According to ESPN; everybody’s favorite juicer, Barry Bonds’ grand jury testimony will show that he failed more drug tests than just those that have been reported.  According to the article:

The documents will show the indicted slugger had additonal positive steroids tests beyond the previously reported one in November 2000, according to a source familiar with the government’s evidence, ESPN’s T.J. Quinn reported. The U.S. Attorney’s office had previously disclosed that Bonds tested positive for testosterone, but information about other failed tests has not been previously disclosed.

Yawn.  Can’t we all just look to the future?  Does it shock anyone that Bonds may have failed another test?  Would it shock anyone if the media is jumping the gun again, like they did a couple of weeks ago, when they said Barry failed another test? 

This issue isn’t even remotely interesting anymore, and I’m thinking about never writing a steroids-based story again.  It bores me and I’m sure it does you.  There will be like three people who read this, and only one will have done it intentionally.  The other two will be looking for alligator-skin sandals of course.

As if coaching the most steroid-ridden team of all time, getting caught asleep (drunk) at a stop sign, and just generally being a dickhead aren’t enough reason to dislike Tony LaRussa; apparently LaRussa also lives in the kind of fantasy land where broccoli tastes like candy, where everyday is Saturday, and where 18-year old prom queens think that my dick holds the secret to eternal happiness.

According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, LaRussa still believes that Mark McGwire did not do steroids.  And when asked if his reputation as a steroid-enabler bothered him, LaRussa let lose this reply:

Q:Does it bother you that rightly or wrongly, you and (assistant coach) Dave McKay have gained the unflattering label as the so-called godfathers of baseball’s steroid era with your connections to Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire?

La Russa: “That’s one of the crosses you have to bear…”

The article went on to say:

As we continued to talk, we moved on to McGwire and his tainted legacy. La Russa compared McGwire’s work ethic to that of another man caught in the steroids swirl, Clemens. In spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, La Russa maintained that both of them deserve a pass. “There’s a certain amount of credit that should be given to a guy who’s worked hours and hours to get stronger and bigger,” he said.

You know the fact that this guy cut Scott Spiezio for basically having the same problem that he has is bad enough.  If anybody has any doubts that LaRussa is an enabler, one only has to look at the fact that he has five players who were in the Mitchell Report, and that he wanted to bring Barry Bonds’ enormous melon into camp.  LaRussa likes muscular men more than Men’s Health magazine does.

Don’t get confused.  LaRussa’s not attempting to cover for Mark.  LaRussa is trying to cover up his own legacy.  If players are going to be held out of the Hall of Fame because of the belief that they used steroids, coaches like LaRussa should not be allowed in for winning championships with those players.  We already know that one of his World Series teams (the 1989 A’s) were loaded with roidsheads.  Hell, if Canseco hadn’t written a book about his own use, LaRussa would probably cover for him too.

It’s LaRussa and guys like him that are getting off the hook in this whole steroids song-and-dance.  They used these guys on juice to make reputations for themselves, to make money for themselves, and to win championships for themselves.  It’s no surprise that LaRussa isn’t going to rat out McGwire.  It’s the difference between being an okay baseball manager and being an Hall of Fame manager.

Deadspin

According to ESPN there is someone out there that has definite proof that Roger Clemens was at the Jose Canseco party; that has been so roundly debated (run in the ground).  According to the four-letter network:

Clemens has repeatedly denied being at Canseco’s house for that event. But a young man has a photo of Clemens at the party, according to the Daily News. The man was just 11 years old at the time of the party, taking photos of various baseball players in attendance.

McNamee has testified that he clearly recalls Clemens, his wife, nanny and children at Canseco’s party, including describing the nanny as wearing a peach bikini and board shorts.

I find this very hard to believe.  Not that Clemens was there, but that any party Canseco threw was tame enough that an 11-year old child was able to be there.  Damn Jose, I at least thought that you would know how to party.  I expected any party ran by Canseco to be like a real-life porno. 

Damn, baseball players are always disappointing me with their behavior.

According to the Boston Globe, a Roger Clemens jersey has been removed from the Yogi Berra Museum:

Museum director David Kaplan said yesterday that Clemens’ jersey was removed last week from a display honoring the Yankees teams of the late 1990s that won four World Series in five years.

Kaplan said the decision was not made to generate publicity for the museum, which is in Little Falls, N.J., but was done in response to allegations of steroid use by Clemens…

The article goes on to say that Berra, a friend of Clemens, approved the jersey’s removal.

It not known whether or not Berra said “He did some stuff that he’s not supposed to do, and that’s almost the same as cheating”.