ThreeStrikesandOut

Talk about a match made in heaven; Jose Canseco has found someone to take him up on his $5000 challenge. It’s this guy:

According to Fox:

According to multiple published reports Tuesday, former Eagles kick returner and two-time Pro Bowler Vai Sikahema will fight Canseco in a July 12 bout at the Atlantic City Bernie Robbins Stadium.

Though Canseco, 43, has a size advantage on Sikahema (6-foot-4, 240 pounds compared to 5-9, 190 pounds — according to their variously recorded playing weights), Sikahema, 45, may have more boxing experience. The Tonga native famously did a goalpost-punching celebration dance after scoring a kick return touchdown against the Giants in 1992.

You know what would be great here?  It would be great if some old-school celebrity deathmatch stuff happened during this fight, and Kimbo Slice came out and ripped both of these two clowns in half.  Then, he should immediately be given a medal and the key to the city.

I don’t know which is worse, the fact that Canseco made this challenge and got someone to bite on it, or the fact that I’m actually taking the time to write about it.  Probably the second, but hey, I never claimed to be particularly original.

Canseco better be careful; dude really wore out those goalposts.

Every once in a while there is a baseball story that makes you think that Bull Durham didn’t tell you half of the stuff that goes on in the minor leagues.

A minor league player got traded for 10 bats. According to MSNBC:

For now, (John) Odom is headed to the Laredo Broncos of the United League. They got him Tuesday from the Calgary Vipers of the Golden Baseball League for a most unlikely price: 10 Prairie Sticks Maple Bats, double-dipped black, 34-inch, C243 style.

“They just wanted some bats, good bats — maple bats,” Broncos general manager Jose Melendez said.

Well, as long as they were good bats. Nothing beats the feel or good wood in your hands. Did I just write that? Damn.  This story would have been much funnier if Odom had been traded for two balls.  That would have been a blogging dream.

Odom, in an attempt to cling to some shred of personal dignity, is trying to make the best of it:

Odom said he was supposed to be traded for Laredo’s best hitter. But when that player balked at moving to Calgary, the bats entered the deal.

Yeah, because that’s the natural progression of any trade conversation.  I bet it went just like this:

“Hey we want to trade Odom for your best player?”

“No.”

“Mmmm. Okay.  How about Odom for that Louisville Slugger and some Big League Chew?”

“Deal on the bat.  No go on the chew, it’s my personal stash”.

“I understand, it’s a deal.  You coming to the Tonya Harding fight?”

“Nah, too low-brow, I’m going to the topless mud-wrestling at Joe’s game instead”.

“Classy, Bob.  Classy”.

“Yeah, the missus has really improved my culture, she graduated community college you know?”.

MSNBC

What are the chances of this happening in an MMA fight?

The above knockout(s) happened at an LOF (Legends of Fighting) event, and the fighters are Tyler Bryan and Shaun Parker. If I had been the referee, I think that I would have awarded myself the victory and left both of them laying on their backs. I don’t see the UFC in either of these guys future, they appear to be the MMA versions of Randy and Bill Mulkey (if you get that reference, you watched entirely too much wrestling in the ’80s).

I still prefer this kind of double-knockout:

Remember the scene in Bull Durham, where Crash is telling Nuke that the only way that you ever speak to the press is in tired, boring; sound-bytes and cliches?

You do? Well maybe someone needs to have that talk with Marcus Brown, who gives us entirely too much information after his teams victory, about what helped him to have a great game:

Dude, I don’t care how much greasing your hands up for the big game worked for you; that is not what you tell the press. Let’s try that again:

“I had a good night’s sleep. I came out ready to play, and I relied on my teammates to help me get the job done. God willing, I hope to perform as well next game.”

That is the boring-ass speech that you’re supposed to give. Not a homage to the gods of porn and popcorn chicken.  Gotta love that he fits the phrases, “gotta suck it up” and “grind it out” into the interview after showing the porno love.  The subliminal mind will get you every time.

Deadspin

If you had to pick one of the below individuals to be wearing the thong pictured above:

You really wouldn’t want it to be the guy in the middle. But, according to Portfolio.com, it probably is Jason Giambi who is rocking the gold thong:

The deepest, darkest secret harbored by the New York Yankees first baseman is that whenever he is in a prolonged hitting funk, he wears a gold lamé, tiger-stripe thong under his uniform. “I only put it on when I’m desperate to get out of a big slump,” he confides.

I guess that means that Giambi wears it all the time.  I guess that also means that IT DOESN’T FREAKING WORK!  As evidence of that, I present Giambi’s .188 batting average.  Drop the thong big guy and invest in some of those Hanes briefs that number 23 rocks in the commercials.  It couldn’t hurt.  It also couldn’t hurt for all of us to take our lead from Giambi, who, when he’s not striking out with runners in scoring position, has some great interests:

He loves strip joints, cites Letters to Penthouse as his favorite work of literature, and lives by the motto “Party like a rock star, hammer like a porn star, rake like an all-star.”

Giambi also says that his teammates used to compare his off-field antics to Mickey Mantle.  The Mick drank alot, but I doubt that he ever rocked the gold, tiger-striped thong.  Just guessing.

Also, as an aside to this story, did you ever think that you would see the day that the mainstream media swarmed all over a story about a baseball player wearing a thong?  This story has been ran by everyone today, and not to insult the mainstream, but it seems like this is a case of them trying to out-blog the bloggers.

Portfolio.com