ThreeStrikesandOut

Boy, talk about the stars lining up for NBC. It’s no secret that women’s beach volleyball gets great ratings, and we would be insulting our intelligence to think that it’s strictly because of the athleticism involved. So think about this, you have beautiful women, sand, then a steady rain, and then Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor walk out wearing white bikinis. At that point someone in the NBC brass started believing in God, Jesus, Allah, and Buddha all at once, and probably had an aneurysm thinking about the ratings that this match was going to bring.

But, despite the obvious appeal of the flesh, this was an entertaining final match of the beach volleyball competition. The Chinese team of Wang Jie and Tian Jia gave the American Dream Duo some difficulties, before falling to May-Treanor and Walsh, 21-18, 21-18.

Oh and here are some random pics of May-Treanor and Walsh hugging. Because for some reason there are a few people (mainly guys) that like watching beautiful, sweaty women in bikinis (with wedgies) hug.

In all seriousness, Walsh and Treanor are an impressively skilled duo, who have been incredibly dominant in their sport of choice. Good job, ladies, good job.

The gold medal goes to TSAO for most b’s ever in a post headline.

Kansas basketball player Markieff Morris will be going to court for shooting off his bb gun.

A 47-year-old woman from Mequon, Wis., was shot in the arm with a plastic BB in the courtyard of the building, police said in a report. She received minor injuries.

Morris was found in a nearby building, where he admitted to shooting the BB from the window of his residence at Jayhawker Towers, police said.

Officers seized a 3-foot-long black Airsoft rifle, valued at $100, and a medium-sized plastic bag of BBs, a police report states.

Well I was going to rip the hell out of this kid, but I sat down and examined my list of misbehaving college athletes and I realized that this offense doesn’t quite measure up to stealing a dead girls credit cards, or masturbating in the school library; and heaven knows that it doesn’t equal running your own crackhouse.  Plus, he owned up to everybody that he was doing it, it wasn’t a real gun, and nobody got hurt.  He owes the woman an apology, and that should be about it.

Well, maybe, until you take this into consideration:

According to a report from the KU Public Safety Office, Morris was suspected of using alcohol.

That opens up a whole ‘nother can o’ worms, as an underage kid, a couple of bottles of booze, and an air pistol is just a recipe for something bad to happen.  He got lucky that he just hit someone in the arm, as a bruised arm is a little easier to recover from than a shot to the face (insert own joke here).  Anyways, it’s still nothing to over-react to, unless this is just the beginning of Morris acting like a knucklehead.  But, I’ll reserve judgment until he’s caught with real weapons or does something a little less A Christmas Story-esque. Chalk this one up to boys being dummies, give him a fitting punishment, and move along.

And remember, Morris; there’s a reason Santa Claus doesn’t bring those guns to kids anymore.

It’s because you’ll shoot an eye out, kid.

KTKA

Five questions that I would totally not have the balls to ask Kobe Bryant, and unlikely possible (fictional) answers that he might give:

Warning to those of you without a sense of humor, this post is satirical in nature, not a real interview with Mr. Kobe (for real, the guy is in China hanging with Aquaman), now stop reading and go slide down a giant razor blade.

TSAO: Kobe, it’s a pleasure, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while…

Fake Kobe: I didn’t rape that girl.

TSAO: Excuse me?

Fake Kobe: I did not rape that girl in that hotel room in Colorado. Just wanted to clear that up.

TSAO: All right, I wasn’t going to ask about it, but okay. So, how does it feel to be in China at the Olympics, representing your country, and being a leader on the team that is trying to get the gold medal back for the United States?

Fake Kobe: Feels better than going to court on some trumped up rape charge. Because there’s no way I raped that girl.

TSAO: I think that we have established that. So, being on the Olympic team is better than going to court for rape. Got it. How good does it feel to be on a team with stars like LeBron James and Dwight Howard?

Fake Kobe: LeBron’s great, he’s like a younger, less-talented version of me. He’s like my little brother in lots of ways and I try to hit him up with my wisdom whenever I can. I mean, If I’ve told him once, I’ve told him 1000 times, “LeBron, one of these days you’re going to have a woman approach you in a hotel somewhere, (probably Colorado), and you’re going to have to decide if the possibility of some other-worldly type sex, is worth the diamond that you’re going to have to buy your lady, when you find yourself innocently dragged to court for a rape that didn’t happen.”  He’s a good kid, he’ll make the right choices.

TSAO: Well, good.  If you don’t mind, I’d really like to get away from the rape thing, it’s in the past, charges were dropped, and it’s making me uncomfortable. What do you think of the way that comments you’ve made about possibly playing in Italy ,if the price is right, have been received in Los Angeles?

Fake Kobe: They asked me if I’d play in Italy for 50 million dollars. Hell, yeah I’d play in Italy for 50 million dollars. That would buy Vanessa like 10 rings and a necklace. Plus, Italian women are some freaks, and they’re not always claiming that you tried to rape them.

TSAO: Okay, this interview is going nowhere. Just one more question if that’s cool with you?

Fake Kobe: Sure.

TSAO: So, how does Shaq’s ass taste?

Fake Kobe: Why you son of a…Nah, I’ll answer that question…Shaq was always trying to over-shadow me. I play better than he does, I look better than he does, hell, I even rap better than he does. Just lay me down a beat…MY NAME IS KOBE AND I’M THE BEST, I DID NOT TOUCH THAT LADY’S BREAST…Sheesh solid gold, just like the Olympics. Don’t put that on YouTube, I’m trying to watch my image.

TSAO: Right. No problem, Jordan Jr.

Fake Kobe: What?

TSAO: Nothing, thanks for your time.

Fake Kobe: You’re welcome. I love doing interviews. You haven’t seen Stephen A. around have you?

TSAO: We travel in different circles.

Skimpy night for posts, so I asked Ms. Christy Hemme what to do (because she’s always hanging around, you know, in my dreams), and after I turned away her request for sexual fulfillment (for like the millionth time) she suggested that I go old school with a Site of the Night.  I was so pleased with the idea that not only did I agree with her, I also decided to go with a wrestling site.  My brother from another mother over at Chewin’ The Mat, has an absolutely fabulous video of an indy wrestler who is having issues getting through his promo, and threatens to perform a Crippler Crossface on the entire airline industry.  So if you’re a wrestling mark like me check the site out, I’ll be back sometime later.

But first Ms Hemme’s offered to show me something called the Flying Firecrotch Guillotine.  Sounds interesting.  I like trapeze acts.

Busch>Edwards>Everybody Else.

If you wanted to sum up this season in NASCAR. you could use the formula above to sum it up and it would be hard to dispute. There have been 23 races this season and 13 of them have been won by the duo. And that’s just in the Cup. The two have also combined for nine wins on the Nationwide Series, which gives them a grand total of 22 wins in both series. A little elementary school math, carry the one, gives me…Wala-46 percent of the races at NASCAR’s top two levels have belonged to Bush and Edwards. Everyone else can help themselves to some parting gifts because this is a two man race. Now, onto the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly:

The Good:

Yay, back-flips. Another win for Carl Edwards, and while it wasn’t exactly a great finish, we were treated to a little bit of tension as we wondered whether or not Kyle would try some bumping on the last restart, in his attempt to claim all races as his own. But, a good restart from Edwards put an end to Mr. Busch’s plans to conquer the world. Well, at least for one more week. How scary is it that Busch says that now he can just concentrate on winning races? What was he doing before, playing Tetris?

To read the rest of this post, follow this little link here, to Fast Machines.com, where the rest of this post is in hiding from the authorities.