ThreeStrikesandOut

I haven’t seen anybody knocked out that quick since I was at the gentleman’s club (hehe) and this stripper (imagine that) who was high as pie off of something (probably coke/meth/jujubes) and she tried to slither down the pole face down like a snake (insert sex metaphor here) and fell on her neck.  Three other strippers came out to help her to the back and as two them carried her off, the third one walked behind and pulled dollar bills out of her g-string.

Hey, community college is expensive and we all do what we can to get by.

Peyton: Man, losing to Florida every year sucks.

Fulmer: At least you get to graduate and go on to other things. I’ve got to do this stuff every year.

Peyton: Yeah, sucks to be you. I’m gonna go moon some people and then win the Super Bowl. Have a nice life coach.

Okay, so here’s the latest from Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer. And as much as it may sound like it, this is not a part of my fictional five questions for Phil Fulmer post, it is indeed, a real quote that came straight from your Tennessee Volunteers’ head coach. From GoVolsXtra:

“Because somebody boos in the stands doesn’t mean you don’t have the support. That just means they’re passionate about what they do. They just want to win,” Fulmer said, adding that he had received calls of support from friends and family. “Ninety-five percent of them probably never played football before, or maybe not played a sport. I don’t know. I can’t tell you all that.

I really don’t think you want to go there coach. I really don’t. I know things are getting hot for you in K-town, but in this case you just set yourself on fire, whipped out a water pistol full of kerosene, and then shot yourself right in the face with it.

The football coaching/playing skills of your fans is as irrelevant as Lindsay Lohan’s political views. What you need to concern yourself with is the fact that your team is 1-2, that you are now 0-4 against Urban Meyer, that UT hasn’t won an SEC championship since 1998 and that you are currently 10 years from even being in a BCS bowl. There are other numbers I could reel off that show just how much trouble this program is in, but I have to be in Cleveland in a couple of years and I might miss my flight if I got started listing them.

But if you take those stats and sprinkle onto them a loss to a UCLA Bruins team who turned around and got prison-raped 59-0 by BYU, and I’m sure we can agree that there are more things that you should be concerned with than the coaching acumen of some guy in orange overalls who has probably skipped his mortgage payment to watch this team go out and open a big bag of fail all over the field.

I don’t have to be a coach or to have ever played a game to know that guy is going to be ticked. I also don’t appreciate it when millionaires talk down to the people that have paid their salary over the years. No, coach I never played college football. Not at UT, not at Florida, not even at Vanderbilt. And no coach, I’ve never coached football. Neither have the majority of UT fans.

I’ve never been a meteorologist either, but like Bob Dylan said one time, “you don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows” and Phil Fulmer won’t need me or the local weather guy to tell him that there’s a storm of change on the way if he doesn’t get this program fixed and fixed soon.

This must be the day that we celebrate the obvious.

First, Clay Aiken reveals that he’s gay; a revelation that ranks right up there with Bill Romanowski admitting that he used to do a few ‘roids back in the day.  I haven’t been this shocked since I found out that stripper was neither named Dallas, from Dallas, or even a fan of the show Dallas.

Then, in lesser news, the Detroit Lions finally admitted that Matt Millen’s skills as Detroit Lions GM are, much like Tyra Banks’ sex appeal, non-existent. From that-guy- that’s- been- right-about- everything-except-the-Layne Kiffin-thing-Jay Glazer:

Millen was informed of the move Tuesday night during a late-night high-level meeting. Wednesday morning several people within the building confirmed that he had large packing boxes in his office and he made his way around to different employees telling them of the move.

The news comes just one day after team vice chairman Bill Ford — son of owner William Clay Ford — publicly stated he would have fired the GM if it was his decision.

Boy.  What a shocking development.  The only thing that could have shocked me more would have been if the Lions had done the normal/reasonable/what any sane person with an IQ higher than their middle finger would have done, and that’s fire Millen, maybe before the season started, instead of three games into it.

Guess they finally found out where he was hiding those pictures of Mr. Ford in compromising positions with a dominatrix, ball-gag, and Barry Sanders action figure.

3 to 1 odds that this will give Al Davis all the motivation he needs to finally pull the trigger on Kiff and hire Millen as his new head coach.  That would officially make the Raiders the suckiest suck to ever suck.

From the newest, least publicized O.J. Simpson trial:

A witness who acknowledged saving himself from a potential life sentence by testifying against O.J. Simpson conceded Tuesday that his memory of the hotel room confrontation at the center of the case hasn’t been the same since he suffered two heart attacks.

Charles Ehrlich, Simpson’s longtime friend and former co-defendant, frequently answered “I don’t recall” during a tough cross-examination by Simpson’s lawyer Yale Galanter.

Ehrlich also changed his tune about whether or not, O.J. had a gun:

Jurors, who had been told sentencing was not their concern, were then informed of the maximum terms — including life with possibility of parole after five years on the kidnapping charge. Ehrlich said his plea bargain reduced his charges to two probation-eligible counts.

“And clearly, Mr. Ehrlich, even though you were charged with a gun count, you didn’t have a gun at the Palace Station,” Galanter said.

“I didn’t know about a gun,” said Ehrlich, who had testified earlier that he saw a gun in the room.

In this guys defense, testifying against O.J. Simpson with O.J. in the courtroom with you can’t be the easiest thing in the world to do. It’s understandable that a man might get a little nervous. Especially with O.J. sitting there sharpening his knife and all. While holding up a copy of his book:

That might be enough to make a mf’er lose their concentration a little.

FOX

I guess it’s time to bring back the “Keep Trent Green Safe” petition.

In a move that’s just plain cruel, the St. Louis Rams are planning on letting the oft-concussed 38-year old quarterback take the field as their starter on Sunday.

What, Kevin Von Erich didn’t want any of that?  (Watch this video.  It rates about an eight on the creepy scale.)

Sorry, random wrestling reference there, but I couldn’t think of anyone else who’s been as concussed as much as Green has been concussed.

Are the back-ups in the NFL really so bad that Trent Green is going to be put out behind a bad offensive line to take his chances at not getting killed.  This is athletic suicide.  There has to be another quarterback out there that’s good enough to play for the Rams right now.  Hell, I’m pretty sure that you could make Jason Whitlock happy and grab Jeff George and that would be a better option than allowing the Buffalo Bills to play pinball with Green’s melon.